


Got Me Writing Love Songs

by CirrusGrey



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: (sort of), M/M, Poetry, Short, Soulmates, forgive me for the quality i swear i've written better poetry elsewhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21633643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CirrusGrey/pseuds/CirrusGrey
Summary: Jon takes a page out of Martin's book, and writessomething that is almosta poem.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 16
Kudos: 69





	Got Me Writing Love Songs

**Author's Note:**

> _For it begs the question:_  
>  _How did I ever find you?_  
>  _Now you got me writing love songs,_  
>  _With a common refrain like this one here, baby..._  
>  ~ Andrew Bird, [Left Handed Kisses](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwtWExDmoI)

I know that you believe in soulmates 

And say you have always loved me.

I cannot say the same.

I did not love you at first sight; my heart did not skip a beat when your eyes met mine.

(That came later.)

You drove me crazy (not in a good way). Misfiling, missteps, missed citations, missed deadlines. Mistrust. I hated you for tea and kindness, for soft sweaters and a soft smile I knew I hadn't earned. Learned to tread warily around you as you stepped softly around the points you knew would make me crack: both of us hating the inevitable arguments though we couldn't stop them happening. You, because you say you have always loved me. Me, because I had better things to do than think of you.

I have not always loved you. 

I was always thinking of you.

But there is more: I hated the way you cared for me, showing me such kindness as I had never received without an ulterior motive. Hated that you showed the same kindness to everyone, no strings attached, drawing no small amount of attention to my own dismissive behavior when the same people turned to me. I did not care for you: I did not know how. And even if I had known I would not have cared for you, because I did not think you needed caring for; certainly not by me.

You say you had no choice but to love me. I do believe this, for if you had a choice I do not think you would have chosen someone who treated you like I did. But you had no choice: you love me.

I have always had a choice, and I did not choose you. Not when we first met. Not for many years. I had a choice.

~~~~~

You believe in soulmates, and say that I am yours. You have always loved me, have always cared for me, had no choice but to love and care for me.

I cannot say the same.

And with that truth, what remains to be said? Only this:

I love you, though I have not always loved you. I care for you, though I didn't in the past. I choose you, though there are other choices I could make. And I will continue to love you, to care for you, to choose you, as long as you allow me to.

Please allow me to.

Because I love you for tea and kindness, for soft sweaters and a soft smile I know I haven't earned. I love you for misfiling, and missed deadlines and citations you asked me to teach you as soon as I pointed out they were wrong. I love you for all of our missteps (and they are more mine than yours), and I trust you (though I haven't always). 

I love you because you say you have always loved me, and we both know that it is a lie but it is a nice lie, a romantic one, one that I will not (will never) distrust you for.

You believe in soulmates, and you have always loved me.

I have not always loved you.

But if such things as soulmates exist, I believe that you are mine.


End file.
